Back Home at "Box Springs Baptist Church"

What a mess I am. I had a meltdown this morning, just laying there and thinking about the prospect of going back to work. Forget that I am a nurse and take care of lives and have to be able to think on my feet. What dawned on me is that I ALWAYS talk to momma on the phone on the way to work and on the way home from work. I get off of the phone when I reach the parking garage in the morning, and I dial her number when I start the truck in the evening. We talk all of the way home. What will I do now? I cried myself to sleep last night. Why am I like this, I have a good husband and great kids who love me and give me time and space. I just miss her so much.

I did get up and go to church this morning. It was so sad being there. We were singing praise and worship hymns and all I could see was her sitting there in her wheel chair for the play "Christmas Shoes". That was the last night she left the house. The longer I sat there, the more I cried. Finally, I could not take it anymore. I came home and crawled into bed. We call it "Box Springs Baptist Church". Sounds better than staying in bed on Sunday morning.

I have to wonder if I will ever be normal again. It is like my whole world stood still back on October 13th, the day momma went into the hospital. My whole world has revolved around her, taking care of her, doctor's appointments, etc. Now, there is a big ole Barbara Thorne shaped hole in my heart. How will I ever fill that hole?