Happy Stinkin' New Year

It is new years eve and I am sitting at home alone. My Man and the kids have gone to Mawmaw's for supper, but I just could not go. I just can't stop crying. I miss her so much. I cannot believe that this year is coming to an end and that her life came to an end. It dawned on me today that it has been over a week since I last heard her voice or felt her touch. When will the pain go away. My heart feels like it is breaking in two. I try to hold it all together for the sake of my kids, especially Annabeth, but for right now, all I can do is cry. I don't even know how to begin to go on. They say that new years is a time for new beginnings, well this is not the kind of beginning that I was imagining. How do I start the new year without her, and with my granny in a nursing home. It is just so sad and depressing. Others are talking about starting the new year off with a diet or more exercise or whatever resolution that they have come up with and all I can see is a life without my momma. I have talked to her EVERY day for my entire life. There is a big ole momma shaped hole in my heart.