Clean House

Today is the day after momma's funeral. I got up and really did not even know where to begin. My life has been on hold for 10 weeks now, and I got up and there was no where that I had to be. I came into the den to the mess that had been Christmas....scraps of paper everywhere, gifts everywhere, Christmas breakfast dishes still dirty on the counter. I just wanted to crawl back into my bed. So, I took a nice hot bath and went to the hospital to see my Granny. I am a care-giver after all.

I met my uncle there and we met with the discharge planner about long term care possibilities. It is sad to think that she will have to go to a "home" but that is the safest place for her...and I have to take care of myself right now.

I left there and went to the cemetary to see for myself that it is real. I guess I still just cannot believe it. It is like there is nothing left for me to do. I have done all of the things that needed to be done, and now what do I do?

I came home and Mawmaw had cleaned the bathrooms and kitchen and made my bed, so that was a very good start. I took the Christmas tree down and got the den cleaned up, arranged the plants that I got from the funeral around the den and vacuumed. I love a clean house.

I thought I was doing pretty good for today, till I got in the bed and closed my eyes, then I could see her. My heart just broke all over again. I miss her so much and it has only been a week. But you have to understand, I talked to her EVERY DAY for 43 years, and have lived with her for the last 9 weeks. My heart aches for her, I long to feel her touch and hear her voice.

I thought I would write here for a while and then maybe be able to rest. I know that I am rambling, so I guess I will close for now........till next time..........kay