sad

Did you ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to do anything right?  Go in to work early and work hard all day, then come home and try to make a nice dinner and then the phone rings, no matter how much I say, how much I try, how many times I answer the phone "just one more time", it is never enough.  It is never going to be enough.  When am I ever going to learn? I had hoped for so much more for this relationship with her, but I am just not sure I am strong enough to ever make it work.  Alcohol is a strong and powerful thing, it has a tight grip.  AA calls it "cunning and baffling"....ain't that the truth.  ALANON calls what I do....the trying to fix it and for me personally, continuing to answer the phone "insanity".....the act of doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting a different outcome.  I really hate myself when this cycle begins and I cannot break it, no matter how hard I try.  When will I just accept it?