We have been frantically getting Austin back and forth to Oklahoma practice these last few weeks, then this week he has had performances night after night, getting home at 1 a.m., then back for more matinees and evening shows. He does love it, though. The show is over, so we are looking forward to things getting back to normal.
Annabeth is still very shy and quiet. She did spend time with a friend today, that was fun.
I have done lots and lots of laundry today, changed the sheets, and am preparing to go to work tomorrow. YUK! 4:45 a.m. comes really early. I am still fearful about the happenings at the MED, but hopefully, some of it is political in nature. I do love my job and love the babies, but Lord knows I need to work.
Sarah is ending her first trimester of pregnancy....hopefully some of the morning sickness will be gone soon. She goes to the doctor on Tuesday so hopefully, we will hear the heart beating. Our first grand child....how exciting.
I am going to get started at Momma's house soon. Oh what an undertaking that will be. I just know that there are so many memories attached to each and every item. Oh well, it will be a cleansing process in every sense of the word.
I guess I will close for now................k
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Waves of Grief like the Ocean
Well...........I cannot believe Momma has been gone for 2 months. It seems like only yesterday. There are still so many times that I am overcome with grief that I just find myself sitting and staring and crying and wondering, then there are times that things are almost back to normal.
My sister is still having such a hard time too, but then she does not have as many people around her as I do. She did tell me that a lady told her that grief is kind of like standing at the edge of the ocean, the grief is the waves that roll in....sometimes they knock you off of your feet and other times they just run between your legs, you just have to prepare yourself for whatever comes.....some days the waves are higher and some days it is really calm, and then there are even times that it is choppy alternating with calm all on the same day. Grief is like that..........we are just learning to stand and watch and look out at the "ocean" of our lives and remember what a great momma we had and how blessed we were to have her. My sister said she pictures her ocean with big fluffy clouds because momma always said that Nathan, my baby in heaven, was running the cloud machine in heaven. What a pretty picture of such a sad and dark place that grief is.
by Ferna Lary Mills
I cautiously watch the water as it moves along the shore
creeping closer to the sand around my feet.
Beyond the crashing waves, where the water is deepest green
the ocean mirrors the depths of my grief.
My grief is like the ocean, sorrow coming in like waves,
sometimes gentle like a ripple on the sea.
Other times it just engulfs me with crushing waves of sadness
and undertows of despair pull down on me.
Some days I wade out in it, splashing memories with my feet,
recalling days of sunshine on my face.
Stepping through the foamy edges never venturing out so far
that larger waves can threaten their embrace.
Then when I least expect it this freak of nature soaks me
in reality so painful that I fall.
The sorrow and the anger that I've fought with day to day
surge through me in a tidal free-for-all.
One day when I'm much stronger and my grief is not so new
I'll swim just like I used to do before.
I'll take pleasure in the memories,
and tread water in those places
that we can't share together anymore.
My sister is still having such a hard time too, but then she does not have as many people around her as I do. She did tell me that a lady told her that grief is kind of like standing at the edge of the ocean, the grief is the waves that roll in....sometimes they knock you off of your feet and other times they just run between your legs, you just have to prepare yourself for whatever comes.....some days the waves are higher and some days it is really calm, and then there are even times that it is choppy alternating with calm all on the same day. Grief is like that..........we are just learning to stand and watch and look out at the "ocean" of our lives and remember what a great momma we had and how blessed we were to have her. My sister said she pictures her ocean with big fluffy clouds because momma always said that Nathan, my baby in heaven, was running the cloud machine in heaven. What a pretty picture of such a sad and dark place that grief is.
This is a picture that Annabeth made for me since I love the ocean. She wanted me to be happy again.
An Ocean of Grief
by Ferna Lary Mills
I cautiously watch the water as it moves along the shore
creeping closer to the sand around my feet.
Beyond the crashing waves, where the water is deepest green
the ocean mirrors the depths of my grief.
My grief is like the ocean, sorrow coming in like waves,
sometimes gentle like a ripple on the sea.
Other times it just engulfs me with crushing waves of sadness
and undertows of despair pull down on me.
Some days I wade out in it, splashing memories with my feet,
recalling days of sunshine on my face.
Stepping through the foamy edges never venturing out so far
that larger waves can threaten their embrace.
Then when I least expect it this freak of nature soaks me
in reality so painful that I fall.
The sorrow and the anger that I've fought with day to day
surge through me in a tidal free-for-all.
One day when I'm much stronger and my grief is not so new
I'll swim just like I used to do before.
I'll take pleasure in the memories,
and tread water in those places
that we can't share together anymore.
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