Alcoholism is a horrible thing

I had a friend whose wife suffered with an addiction to alcohol.  She eventually lost that battle.  This was the haunting, heartwrenching song that her son sang at the funeral.  So sad.............

Thankgiving 2012

 Granny with me and Rhonda - not many people have their 90 year old Granny around.

 Our Family - obviously we had too many cameras going at the same time.  Noah would not take off the Mr. Potato Head glasses.  That boy!

 Annabeth, Austin and Sarah

 Jessie and Austin being goofy as always

 Sarah with her babies - not a great picture of Noah, but it's like herding cats to get two babies to look the same direction during a picture.

 me and my man :O)

 Mawmaw Conlee with her grandkids

 The Conlee Family

 Pawpaw Lanier and Grand Marilyn

 Daddy's Girls

 Janice and Porgy

 Sibling Love - "Stop Touching Me!!!!"

Sarah, Austin and Annabeth with their Great-Granny

Annabeth - 7th grade

Surrender

I am trying to learn the steps to becoming a better me and get away from all of the chaos in my life. The third step is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God".

His will....not mine.

 ---- Let Go and Let God. ----

Surrender

This is not surrender................

   This is.....

The Evolution of My Hair

For anyone who knows me well, you know that I have been "growing my hair" for over a year.  I guess I have always grown my hair, but I am trying to grow my hair out.  It is quite a painful experience.  This collage tells the story of me over the last year and the mess my hair has been.  It is still not where I want it to be.....I guess I don't really know where I want it to be or what I want it to look like, but my girls say I look younger with longer hair, so we shall see.

Austin's "Pathetic Picadilly Party"

This is a great picture of our three kids.  I can't get over how grown up they all three are.  I can remember before they were even born.  I am very proud of the adults that they are becoming.

Our kids love their Aunt Jackie (& Charlie).  Austin made her a special hat for her Red Hat Society.....complete with an Arkansas Razorback.   Soooooo Weeeeee Pig!

Pawpaw Lanier and Grand Marilyn are always there for us.  We love you and appreciate you both.

Austin loves his MawMaw Conlee.  I am so blessed to have such a sweet spirited mother in law, that helps take care of my kids and help keep my household running smoothly.

We were so excited to see Uncle Howard and Kathy all the way from Arizone.  We love you both and miss you guys.

And this big ole teddy bear is my Uncle Porgy (George) and Janice.  I love you guys and am so happy at the way you have stepped up to help take care of Granny.

Sarah and her crew with Uncle Howard.  I have always said that trying to get a photo with kids and adults all looking in the same direction is like herding cats.

This is Austin and his BFF, Jessie Steele.  She is a part of the family.  Who else would come with Austin and 25 of his closest relatives to a "Pathetic 18th Birthday Party at Picadilly". 

Rhonda and our sweet little Granny.

me and the man.....what can I say? 

Peace and Serenity

Rhonda made this for me.  It is very special.  We have had some rough patches in our relationship over the last 46 years, but through thick and thin, we realize that blood is thicker than water.  We love each other and have a tie that binds.  As we each try to become better versions of ourselves, we in turn are helping each other to grow in peace and grace and love. 

Rhonda, I love you with all of my heart.  I am glad you are my sister.

Happy 18th Birthday, Son

I have always said that Austin being so funny, cute and adorable has gotten him out of alot of spankings in his lifetime.  I love you Son!!!

What a great feeling to cross the Finish Line

 I think I can, I think I can

 Crossing the finish line.  I was tearing up and could not focus on the clock and big guy in red/black was blocking the clock.  What I do know is that when I did look at it a couple of minutes later it said 58 minutes, so I know that I came in under 58 minutes.  The big thing is that I started, tried and finished it.

 I know, I am a hot, sweaty mess, but look at that ribbon!

my first bib and ribbon. 

Now, do I mark this off of the bucket list? or do I keep on?  The goal is to try to build up stamina and strength and eventually to lose weight.  I don't know.  For today, I am basking in the accomplishment of having set a goal and completed it.  Thank you to all of my facebook friends for the encouragement and love.

Today is the day of my first official 5K - the WRWM Graduation

 Special thanks to Dwayne for running with me at times, and being an encouragement, telling me I look good, even though my behind is eating my shorts and I have the world's smallest pony tail and I look like a pin head, and lastly, I had to do some Yoga poses to stretch that shirt out enough to get it over my biceps - that is the word for big arm, right???

 special thanks to Austin, my biggest fan and encourager.  You have been my night time/early morning running buddy and I appreciate you for it.  I was so excited that you got up at the crack of dawn on a Saturday to cheer on your momma.

 This is sweet little Kat.  Her mother was my inspiration to run/walk a 5k.  Larisa sent me texts and messages and pictures of encouragement weekly.  I missed her today, but she is probably JUST  FINE, she is on the beach in Cozumel today.

This is the starting line with 1,200 of my closest friends. 

Tomorrow is the Big Day - 5K Graduation

After 3 months of training, tomorrow is the big day.  I am going to do my first 5K.  You notice I did not say run my first 5K, because unfortunately I still walk alot more than run, but I am going to be out there trying and that is what really matters.

Folks have asked me what my goal time is for tomorrow.  I say simply that I want to finish.  I jokingly say that I don't want to be the one running in front of the truck picking up the cones, but someone has to be last, and if that happens to be me, I will be ok.  It will be something that I can laugh about.  The important thing is that I got off of my tookus and did something that I am afraid to do.  It has been a struggle, but I have gotten stronger.  That was the goal of all of this. 

I would like to thank my running buddy Larisa, for being a great encouragement to me during these months.  She has more faith in my ability than I have in myself.  I would not be doing this tomorrow if not for her texts and calls and pep talks.  I am going to miss you tomorrow, Larisa, but I know you are having fun on your cruise.

I went over 3 miles - hey that's 5K

Just one more week of training before graduation.  This was the first time that I actually went over 3 miles, heck it was the first time I went over 2.5 miles.  It does look like I will be at the back of the pack, but hey, somebody has to be last. 

Week 9 - Take THAT "Criminal Minds" Marathon

So, after procrastinating all day today, Labor Day, and watching a marathon of one of my favorite shows, "Criminal Minds", I managed to put off doing my Homework for the Women's Run/Walk Memphis for today.  We did not train together because of the holiday, but are supposed to get in all three of our runs this week, and having to work 4 shifts this week, I really should have run today.....but, Nooooooo! I sat on my tail watching TV.

Well, Austin came in from work, and I asked if he had remembered to stop and get more diet cokes.  Of course, he forgot.  I then told him that I wished he had been home with me to run earlier, because I was afraid to go out after dark alone. 

He then told me that we should walk to Kroger and get the diet cokes, you know.....two birds, one stone.  I said "No, Austin, I have been watching Criminal Minds all day, it will be too spooky, scary, creepy, dangerous, dark, icky......" you get the idea.  I used every scary adjective I could think of, and him being.....well, him......talked me into going.  He said he would "protect me" .....all 107 pounds of him.

So, imagine if you will, it is 10:30 at night, dark outside, thankfully a full moon.  I am completely decked out in tech wear, head phones, Map My Run, Pandora Fit radio, money in my pocket, a flash light that was almost as bright as a really dim nurse's pen light and I am ready to go.  I look at Austin and he has on pajama pants, flip flops, his cell phone in his hand, pushing a stroller (with which to carry the drinks back, of course).  I said, "Austin, you can't go for a run in your flip flops", so he goes to change.  Well, long story short, as we are in Kroger, I notice that Austin is BARE FOOTED.  I guess he got the part right about you can't wear flip flops. 

So, we did finish our run, and we went 3.2 miles in just over an  hour.  I can't believe we actually went 5K......my first time completing 5 kilometers and my Austin was with me.  I sure do love that boy.

Austin and Jessie will be starring in The Drowsy Chaperone

They are so excited to find out today that they were cast in their senior high school production of The Drowsy Chaperone in the spring of 2013.  Austin was cast as "Man in Chair" and Jessie was cast as "Drowsy Chaperone".  They are excited to have leads in the play.  What a way to end their senior year.

Annabeth will be "Behind Bars" for 2 years

Today starts another chapter in Annabeth's life.  I guess she is not a baby girl any more after all.  She will have braces on until her freshman year in high school.  That will be just one more reason for her to look forward to getting into high school.  Her band colors are turquoise and lime green.....her signature colors, of course.

Thanks, Uncle Howard, for the joke about being "behind bars".  I thought it was funny.

Week 8 - Running is Fun.....said no one ever!

Race day is getting closer and closer.  As usual, I did not feel like training yesterday with the ladies at Walk/Run Memphis.  I had my usual upset tummy, I fell in the shower and brused my leg and just in general did not feel like going.  I pushed thru and went on.  I think we went a little farther than we have gone before, but I did not have my GPS on.  I just don't ever remember crossing that bridge before last night.  Anyway, the humidity "bout got me......ain't nobody got time for that"!

I cannot believe the race is only a couple short weeks away.  Then I need to start planning the next goal....something to work for.....something to look forward to so I don't give up.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl

Sydney and Sam with Annabeth celebrating her 13th Birthday.  Happy Birthday, sweet baby girl.  11 years with a teenager, only 7 more to go.

Week 7 - I am starting to get the hang of it....maybe



I still get very nervous and always think I can't do it, and I have been getting really discouraged not being able to keep up with everyone else in our group.  Then a couple of weeks ago, I mapped out how far 5K really is and I have been thinking there is no way I can do it.

Well, tonight, we went to train at Shelby Farms, it was a cool 84 degrees (much better than heat index of 100 degrees)...anyway, I actually went over 2.5 miles.  I am still very, very slow, but I am making progress.  I have found that we can talk while we are running part of the time.  I am not nearly as tired and worn out as when we first started.  and Tonight, for the first time, I actually think that I can finish the race. 

It is not really a race for me against any one else, or even my own time.  It is about finishing.  I started this as a way to become healthier and I want to reach my goal.  Hopefully, I will continue working on it and become stronger, and hopefully run/walk in the Race for the Cure in October.

Keeping my fingers crossed that I continue with my training and don't get hurt or anything.  I am actually, maybe a little bit, looking forward to September 15th.

Week 6 - Running in the Rain

This week, I have been so discouraged.  I still can only run MAYBE 2 minutes, then I have to walk for a bit, and this week we are running 3 minutes, walk 1 minute for a total of 40 minutes.  So, knowing that there is no way I can do that, I decided to train with the Walkers today.  I told my running buddy and she was just afraid I was quitting.  I assured her I am still trying, but that my throat hurt, my right foot feels like it is on fire when I run, and I was just gonna walk tonight.  On the way to the training site it started pouring down rain, seriously the bottom fell out, windshield wipers on high and still can't see driving down Germantown Parkway.  I got to the site and it is a huge church parking lot that has huge electrical wiring strung all across.  They decided to cancel due to lightening.  They also told me that if you run AT ALL, you will be disqualified if you race as a Walker.  I left a little sad because I was "all dressed up and no place to go", so I drove over to the Beginner Runners training site that I usually go to.  It is more of an open field area without electrical wires and no lightening, so they were gonna train.  I was a little bit behind just out of the gate because I wasa little late getting there, but I trudged ahead.  I ran a bit, walked a bit.  I did not catch up to them until they turned around.....actually, I guess they caught up with me :O) 

Anyway, the moral to this story is that I would much rather run in the rain than in full sun with a heat index of 113 degrees, and just never give up. 

Hey, Fat Girl

I found this blog and really, really liked it. I am sharing it here, but you can read it in it's entirety here:

http://flintland.blogspot.ca/2012/05/hey-fat-girl.html

Yes, you. The one feigning to not see me when we cross paths on the running track. The one not even wearing sports gear, breathing heavy. You’re slow, you breathe hard and your efforts at moving forward make you cringe.


You cling shyly to the furthest corridor, sometimes making larger loops on the gravel ring by the track just so you’re not on it. You sweat so much that your hair is all wet. You rarely stay for more than 20 minutes at a time, and you look exhausted when you leave to go back home. You never talk to anyone. I’ve got something I’d like to say to you.  You are awesome.

If you’d look me in the eye only for an instant, you would notice the reverence and respect I have for you. The adventure you have started is tremendous; it leads to a better health, to renewed confidence and to a brand new kind of freedom. The gifts you will receive from running will far exceed the gigantic effort it takes you to show up here, to face your fears and to bravely set yourself in motion, in front of others.

You have already begun your transformation. You no longer accept this physical state of numbness and passivity. You have taken a difficult decision, but one that holds so much promise. Every hard breath you take is actually a tad easier than the one before, and every step is ever so slightly lighter. Each push forward leaves the former person you were in your wake, creating room for an improved version, one that is stronger, healthier and forward-looking, one who knows that anything is possible.

You’re a hero to me. And, if you’d take off the blaring headphones and put your head up for more than a second or two, you would notice that the other runners you cross, the ones that probably make you feel so inadequate, stare in awe at your determination. They, of all people, know best where you are coming from. They heard the resolutions of so many others, who vowed to pick up running and improve their health, “starting next week”. Yet, it is YOU who runs alongside, who digs from deep inside to find the strength to come here, and to come back again.

You are a runner, and no one can take that away from you. You are relentlessly moving forward. You are stronger than even you think, and you are about to be amazed by what you can do. One day, very soon, maybe tomorrow, you’ll step outside and marvel at your capabilities. You will not believe your own body, you will realize that you can do this. And a new horizon will open up for you. You are a true inspiration.